Recently, I have taken a lot of time to explore Alaska with friends. As we walk the trails our conversations meander as they will and I learn a lot. This also allows me to let John explore at a distance with a bit of freedom.
My son and I were given such similar temperaments that often an uneasy clarity and self-awareness emerges as I watch his interactions. He is a joyful child who brings an exuberant energy into everything he does. However, this intense enthusiasm sometimes has him running full force in multiple directions going nowhere in particular. Luckily, he is frequently blessed with steady friends that bring a peaceful momentum to his adventures.
John’s friendship with Giovanni was forged in Cub Scouts. I remember the first project they did together. The boys each had a wooden airplane kit to build. John jumped right in barely reading the instructions. It took a great deal of trial and error to pull together his little airplane. Giovanni worked quietly, slowly and deliberately considering each step. It took him a bit longer but at the end he had a solid, beautifully constructed airplane without the marks of false starts.
Giovanni checking the steadiness of the log they decided not to cross.
When they play at a distance during our hikes I see Giovanni slow John down and help him consider their direction. These little companions get further exploring new territory and forging new paths as they keep each other in check. We all need friends like this.
Aristotle asserts that friends help each other “do noble actions” and know how to think and act (Nicomachean Ethics VIII.1,1155a15-17, trans. Apostle & Gerson). As he explains, the best sorts of friendships form between virtuous individuals who are brought together through common interest, are well-disposed towards each other, and wish good for the other for the sake of the other. Aristotle centers friendship on an object of virtue that exist outside each of the persons. As such, differences between friends can better equip the individuals to move towards the good together.
I see this reality at play in my marriage as well. My husband, trained as an engineer, puts a great deal of deliberation into everything he does. We keep each other steady. He has helped me look forward to where I am going and walk with more intentional steps. After 12 years of marriage, his prudent words have helped shape me to habitually think through my actions with more examination and planning than is in my nature. I in turn help him to stop, pray, and see the beauty of where we are.
Caryll Houselander often reflects on this aspect of the mystical body of Christ in her work. As she explains,
Each on of us can only live a fragment of Christ’s life at one time…but through our communion with one another in Him, through our oneness with one another because of His one life in us all, we make up what is wanting in one another and are whole; and in us all, as one Body, His whole life is lived. (qtd. in Wright 26)
The world is marvelously shaped when different personalities and temperaments learn to work together, when the reactionary learn to listen to the prudent and when the cautious learn to listen to the trailblazers. Children often exhibit these traits in a beautifully raw form. There is a lot to rebuild in the world right now. I pray that God grants me the grace to learn from those who are approaching things differently and to walk with my brothers and sisters with the openhearted trusting steps, of a child.
Works Cited:
Wright, Wendy M., editor. Caryll Houselander: Essential Writings. Orbis Books, 2005.